I bumped into an old friend at the weekend who I hadn't seen (until recently) for perhaps a decade. In the intervening time we have both been divorced. Me so long ago that I sometimes don't believe it actually happened and wonder instead if it was a dream, and my friend fairly recently. We sat and admired a beautiful view and chatted. There is so much I have to say about divorce, never knowing the right format for that, but I'll start with one post here.
I am thankful for the change in my outlook which the divorce enabled, or instigated. I am thankful in the same way I am thankful for the brief glimpse into mental illness that panic attacks gave me. Whilst I wouldn't wish either on you, things can bring about a much-needed change in perspective and I see more colour, or maybe more grey, in the world than previously. I wouldn't change that for the world.
So here is the first tip for you if you have friends going through divorce:
1. Be nice
It is a really shitty time for both people, whatever your view on the specifics. This doesn't have to be with words so don't worry if you don't have positive things to say; I remember those who left a dinner party they were hosting to come straight over to give me a hug when I told them, the sisters who housed me, those who suffered endless conversations, those who listened to my real thoughts, and those who made it clear they were still very much there and walking with me through it. I'll be thankful for them till my final breath. Some thought I was doing the right thing, some didn't, some couldn't care less. And some changed their view later. Plus, imagine what taking sides will mean if they reconcile. Awks.
So, be kind to one another...
Maybe to be continued. Who knows...